it's been nearly a week home and my body still believes itself in the philippines. i'm wide awake in the night and sluggish most of the day. it's not the only way i'm struggling, just the most physical. it's like i arrived home with a plane load of souvenirs and yet, where do they fit here? how much was for the week there and for us alone, and then how much should come back and extend outward? such questions to consider and already many wider visions to step toward.
but on the threshold of the end of something and possibilities of other things, there's always that pause. a little melancholy, a touch bittersweet, some wandering around the house while everyone sleeps, looking, seeking, thanking, smiling, a tear or two or three, and taking a deep full breath of life, pure grace-filled life. a pause is all. but you need it at times.
can't say enough how i loved the surprising peace and joy there (was thinking it was the prayers alone but nieldon said it's also being in the philippines -- guess where he lives?), loved the people who attended litt-world (their faces are before me now), and the places i saw. there are places in europe that have become such a part of me, maybe a new curve in a fingerprint and now the philippines are too. i never expected it, not to such an extent.
it's fully autumn here, a great welcome home gift. my favorite season and i truly don't think i've seen a more beautiful cottonwood autumn. home. it's good to miss and be missed. yet, there are pieces left across a great wide ocean. i wonder, if you leave pieces of yourself all over, do you become less of yourself or are they instead replaced with something new and thus more of who you might be. regardless, i have exceeding gratitude for this journey. and i think someone might save those lost pieces for me even as they're replaced.
more to say, much more, but i'm a little dreamy about it all still. here and there, or standing in between, a satchel full of images, the never-ceasing wonder of love, all of it...truly tiny glimpses of eternity.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
thursday here, wednesday there
last night, our litt-world group send the sun down your way. we stood on the store of the south china sea and watched the huge orange ball fall into the water, a dramatic display, everyone gathered on the beach, cameras clicking away, mork from kenya trying to get a photo that looked like he held the sun in his hands and all of us trying to get photos of them getting the photo. very fun. we applauded the dramatic display and i said goodbye to the sun and asked it to carry my greetings to you in the west.
it was fun day at batanga bay. a group of seven of us took an hour boat ride along the coast in a narrow wooden boat (sat two by two with pratibha my new friend from nepal getting the bow) with bamboo pontoons (something primitive looking but quite workable). it was relaxing and fun, and cost $7 for all of us (no, not each). the food was great or interesting, all locale cuisines (i keep trying things, and mostly like them, but at least i try). learned a filipino game and laughed hysterically watching my fellow conferees play as children. after a beautiful dinner and cultural dance program, it was more game time for the group. we've all laughed so much and definitely become more like children as the days have progressed.
today is our last day together. we have another full schedule with a celebration dinner today. in the morning it will be goodbye and then some of us depart, others (like me) will tour OMF publishers and then shopping in manila. that group will stay overnight in manila, then we have different tours on saturday. i'm taking the city tour before flying home late saturday night. so our paths are parting soon. it will be a sad farewell as it's incredible the instant love and friendship we've developed. but then of course, home calls so strongly, i miss it dearly and hope somehow to carry back all that's been given to me by these amazing people.
in the days ahead i'll be profiling different people that i've met. so in that way you'll meet them too. for now, think of them you do not yet know, pray for them too. and pray for all our safe journeys to our homes, our little dots on the map of the world.
off to my final day of workshops.
mabuhay!
it was fun day at batanga bay. a group of seven of us took an hour boat ride along the coast in a narrow wooden boat (sat two by two with pratibha my new friend from nepal getting the bow) with bamboo pontoons (something primitive looking but quite workable). it was relaxing and fun, and cost $7 for all of us (no, not each). the food was great or interesting, all locale cuisines (i keep trying things, and mostly like them, but at least i try). learned a filipino game and laughed hysterically watching my fellow conferees play as children. after a beautiful dinner and cultural dance program, it was more game time for the group. we've all laughed so much and definitely become more like children as the days have progressed.
today is our last day together. we have another full schedule with a celebration dinner today. in the morning it will be goodbye and then some of us depart, others (like me) will tour OMF publishers and then shopping in manila. that group will stay overnight in manila, then we have different tours on saturday. i'm taking the city tour before flying home late saturday night. so our paths are parting soon. it will be a sad farewell as it's incredible the instant love and friendship we've developed. but then of course, home calls so strongly, i miss it dearly and hope somehow to carry back all that's been given to me by these amazing people.
in the days ahead i'll be profiling different people that i've met. so in that way you'll meet them too. for now, think of them you do not yet know, pray for them too. and pray for all our safe journeys to our homes, our little dots on the map of the world.
off to my final day of workshops.
mabuhay!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
litt-world day 3
so where to begin? i'm too exhausted to say much really, and so full of stories i'm afraid to start for they'll come bursting out all over the place.
feels later than 10PM, but the day begins early (i keep waking at 4AM). my pacific time family and friends might be awakening right now at 6AM. good morning to you as we're in the same day for some hours.
what is happening in the world. i could tell you a hundred stories just from this gathering at littworld. 31 countries are represented -- some have thriving lives and christian publishing houses. others endure incredible persecution, they will return not to the image of america and freedom, they leave this safe conference center for a home surrounded in violence, unrest, persecution, insecurities. and don't you know it, they're the ones with the most peace in their eyes. i'll write about some of the individuals in the days ahead.
philip yancey spoke something great last night, but okay sorry now, my brain is in lockdown. i didn't think i'd actually meet him. there are about 140 of us here, but he always had people around. then after our group photo, i turned around and there he was. amazing to talk to someone who wrote something that might have saved your faith. how do you even say that after smiling for a camera shot? more on his great talk from last night when the brain comes back.
we're going to a beach resort tomorrow, hanging out and spending time together (after teaching 2 workshops and holding 2 consultation times, and the above hint, i think some resorting will be mighty fine). but can't tell you how i marvel constantly at the mix of us. new friends in nepal, kenya, albania, cameroon, among many others. constant surrealism. how quickly we love one another. earlier i returned to my room for a 5 minute break, fell on my bed, and thought, "what a great gift that john maust gave me by inviting me here. not just inspiring, even life-changing doesn't feel enough." already things are happening beyond. an idea -- my writers group connecting with one in kenya, maybe the one in ghana, maybe more and more, a network or something. such little things, a tiny seed here, it will grow.
also, i must mention, the filipino people are such wonderful, intelligent people, i've so enjoyed getting to know many. my small view on the taxi ride in was not the better part of the country, it'll be good to see more in the coming days. also never had such kindness among a staff either. they greet, "hello, ms. cindy." "good morning, ms. cindy." i was called a "delegate" when arriving -- made me laugh.
some months ago, i expressed my somewhat bitter struggle with christian "products" in the states after cba. these few days have restored something, a greater vision perhaps. a hope when i didn't know such hope was lacking. a strength though i did know of my weakness.
be of good cheer out there. the world is filled with dots of light, they are sometimes competely surrounded by darkness, and yet they shine and shine on. may we also.
love to you who i know and do not know. and to you. and especially to you.
feels later than 10PM, but the day begins early (i keep waking at 4AM). my pacific time family and friends might be awakening right now at 6AM. good morning to you as we're in the same day for some hours.
what is happening in the world. i could tell you a hundred stories just from this gathering at littworld. 31 countries are represented -- some have thriving lives and christian publishing houses. others endure incredible persecution, they will return not to the image of america and freedom, they leave this safe conference center for a home surrounded in violence, unrest, persecution, insecurities. and don't you know it, they're the ones with the most peace in their eyes. i'll write about some of the individuals in the days ahead.
philip yancey spoke something great last night, but okay sorry now, my brain is in lockdown. i didn't think i'd actually meet him. there are about 140 of us here, but he always had people around. then after our group photo, i turned around and there he was. amazing to talk to someone who wrote something that might have saved your faith. how do you even say that after smiling for a camera shot? more on his great talk from last night when the brain comes back.
we're going to a beach resort tomorrow, hanging out and spending time together (after teaching 2 workshops and holding 2 consultation times, and the above hint, i think some resorting will be mighty fine). but can't tell you how i marvel constantly at the mix of us. new friends in nepal, kenya, albania, cameroon, among many others. constant surrealism. how quickly we love one another. earlier i returned to my room for a 5 minute break, fell on my bed, and thought, "what a great gift that john maust gave me by inviting me here. not just inspiring, even life-changing doesn't feel enough." already things are happening beyond. an idea -- my writers group connecting with one in kenya, maybe the one in ghana, maybe more and more, a network or something. such little things, a tiny seed here, it will grow.
also, i must mention, the filipino people are such wonderful, intelligent people, i've so enjoyed getting to know many. my small view on the taxi ride in was not the better part of the country, it'll be good to see more in the coming days. also never had such kindness among a staff either. they greet, "hello, ms. cindy." "good morning, ms. cindy." i was called a "delegate" when arriving -- made me laugh.
some months ago, i expressed my somewhat bitter struggle with christian "products" in the states after cba. these few days have restored something, a greater vision perhaps. a hope when i didn't know such hope was lacking. a strength though i did know of my weakness.
be of good cheer out there. the world is filled with dots of light, they are sometimes competely surrounded by darkness, and yet they shine and shine on. may we also.
love to you who i know and do not know. and to you. and especially to you.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
from tagaytay city
it's sunday morning in the philippines, saturday evening in california.
i'm here! survived the flights (weren't nearly as bad as a 17 hour flight sounds) and was thrilled to find that person holding the sign with my name after customs and immigration and traveling more than 20 hours. then found a tyndale editor i know (it just so "happened" he came in on the LA flight that arrived at the same time), so we shared the taxi up from manila to tagaytay city. what a relief that was, and what an experience driving on up. i love driving, like a bit of a thrill, but i'd never ever drive here. i don't believe drivers or pedestrians follow any rules. at stoplights, vendors wander through the traffic with things for sale, also children come and tap at the windows asking for money (that was heartbreaking, a boy about nine stayed at my window saying, "Mama, please Mama." The taxi driver said sternly, "Never open the windows" but it was hard not to, very hard.) we were in the midst of mass traffic, horns honking, these chrome covered vehicles (a cross between a jeep and VW bus perhaps) that are a form of public transportation (i wanna ride in one), you can see the people from the open door in back. the drivers take great pride in decorating the entire thing -- called a jeepney (sp?).
the filippino people have been extremely friendly and kind. a couple on the plane wanted to adopt me, i think. the elderly woman kept telling me how to carry my purse, that i should carry my money in my bra and such. she's say, "come now, follow me." later when she found out how old i was, she chuckled and said she thought i was young and single. i loved her all the more.
it's a different world here, fascinating really, but completely different. more on that later. it's a tropical climate and landscape even up here at the top of this mountain. it smells of rich soil, flowers, a musty kind of mix between salt and mold perhaps, i guess "rich" would be the word. i hear tropical birds, motorcycles and rumbling car engines from the road outside the conference center, dogs barking, laughter, and from inside the internet cafe here, american music (oldies to current hits - maroon 5 is playing right now).
a few stories so far, and the conference only officially starts today.
--met a woman from cameroon who is a high school and college professor who writes nonfiction for families.
--russian man told about the struggle out of communism. many interesting stories.
==heard about bible smuggling into china, and the christians battle in the middle east.
that's just a small start. i've met people from indonesia, cambodia, india, greece, portugal, costa rica, russia, ghana, england, thailand, vietnam, and some places i'd never heard of before.
we have no idea in the states, none. it's pretty sobering and brings renewed gratitude for the simplest of freedoms.
okay, my morning funny:
roosters -- whichever local rooster spots the first drop of light in the morning sky gets to start the competition. i'm telling you, there must be hundreds who follow that first voice and it's serious business crowing the sun on up. i was already awake with the time change adjustment, and had to laugh at this. in the background it becomes a soft hum of poultry cries, then you hear the more distinct ones. dogs start joining in, then some early basketball players started out to the court. it was nice to hear their laughter and voices though of course i cannot understand them. but then again, you sort of can.
and hair -- it's curly here. my hair is like, oh yeah, we like this humidity. i don't hardly recognize it.
okay, i'm raking up the minutes here. it's 30 pesos every half hour, and as of yet, i have no idea what that means. it's under a dollar though.
thanks for those who've been praying. i've felt extraordinary peace and joy since stepping off the plane. i miss home, appreciate home more than ever, and hope that a little of what i pass on to the conferees here will help as they return to their various locales and work on christian writing and publishing for their cultures. they've already given me more than I can return however.
my love to each of you still in yesterday, i'm in your tomorrow.
i'm here! survived the flights (weren't nearly as bad as a 17 hour flight sounds) and was thrilled to find that person holding the sign with my name after customs and immigration and traveling more than 20 hours. then found a tyndale editor i know (it just so "happened" he came in on the LA flight that arrived at the same time), so we shared the taxi up from manila to tagaytay city. what a relief that was, and what an experience driving on up. i love driving, like a bit of a thrill, but i'd never ever drive here. i don't believe drivers or pedestrians follow any rules. at stoplights, vendors wander through the traffic with things for sale, also children come and tap at the windows asking for money (that was heartbreaking, a boy about nine stayed at my window saying, "Mama, please Mama." The taxi driver said sternly, "Never open the windows" but it was hard not to, very hard.) we were in the midst of mass traffic, horns honking, these chrome covered vehicles (a cross between a jeep and VW bus perhaps) that are a form of public transportation (i wanna ride in one), you can see the people from the open door in back. the drivers take great pride in decorating the entire thing -- called a jeepney (sp?).
the filippino people have been extremely friendly and kind. a couple on the plane wanted to adopt me, i think. the elderly woman kept telling me how to carry my purse, that i should carry my money in my bra and such. she's say, "come now, follow me." later when she found out how old i was, she chuckled and said she thought i was young and single. i loved her all the more.
it's a different world here, fascinating really, but completely different. more on that later. it's a tropical climate and landscape even up here at the top of this mountain. it smells of rich soil, flowers, a musty kind of mix between salt and mold perhaps, i guess "rich" would be the word. i hear tropical birds, motorcycles and rumbling car engines from the road outside the conference center, dogs barking, laughter, and from inside the internet cafe here, american music (oldies to current hits - maroon 5 is playing right now).
a few stories so far, and the conference only officially starts today.
--met a woman from cameroon who is a high school and college professor who writes nonfiction for families.
--russian man told about the struggle out of communism. many interesting stories.
==heard about bible smuggling into china, and the christians battle in the middle east.
that's just a small start. i've met people from indonesia, cambodia, india, greece, portugal, costa rica, russia, ghana, england, thailand, vietnam, and some places i'd never heard of before.
we have no idea in the states, none. it's pretty sobering and brings renewed gratitude for the simplest of freedoms.
okay, my morning funny:
roosters -- whichever local rooster spots the first drop of light in the morning sky gets to start the competition. i'm telling you, there must be hundreds who follow that first voice and it's serious business crowing the sun on up. i was already awake with the time change adjustment, and had to laugh at this. in the background it becomes a soft hum of poultry cries, then you hear the more distinct ones. dogs start joining in, then some early basketball players started out to the court. it was nice to hear their laughter and voices though of course i cannot understand them. but then again, you sort of can.
and hair -- it's curly here. my hair is like, oh yeah, we like this humidity. i don't hardly recognize it.
okay, i'm raking up the minutes here. it's 30 pesos every half hour, and as of yet, i have no idea what that means. it's under a dollar though.
thanks for those who've been praying. i've felt extraordinary peace and joy since stepping off the plane. i miss home, appreciate home more than ever, and hope that a little of what i pass on to the conferees here will help as they return to their various locales and work on christian writing and publishing for their cultures. they've already given me more than I can return however.
my love to each of you still in yesterday, i'm in your tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
leaving on a plane, no train, and an automobile
i leave tomorrow afternoon.
where i'm going: tagaytay city, philippines
what doing: on faculty with Litt-World 2004
painful travel itinerary: fly redding to san fran to honolulu to manila (16 hours air time not counting hours of layovers)then customs, luggage and hopefully a ride to tagaytay city. traveling alone, sort of know a few people once i arrive, so any extra prayers, send on this way. leap of faith. hope to be helpful, yet i mainly want to really hear and gain from those i meet -- i know their stories will change me. okay funny too, couldn't help laugh at the impressive international faculty and then, well, me. some of my very favorite writers will be there, like two of the most influential in my life al janssen (who spoke at a writer's conference about the writer's call -- words that have never left me) and philip yancey!
writers support group: keep writing and put down your goals. mine: edit a novel (or most of it) that i finished two years ago, finish a few books i'm reading, and continue work on current project.
one of my favorite prayers from the book of common prayer:
to you,
"almighty god, i entrust all who are dear to me to your never-failing care and love, for this life and the life to come, knowing that you are doing for them better things that we can desire or pray for, through jesus christ our lord, amen."
hope to blog in from southeast asia next week.
where i'm going: tagaytay city, philippines
what doing: on faculty with Litt-World 2004
painful travel itinerary: fly redding to san fran to honolulu to manila (16 hours air time not counting hours of layovers)then customs, luggage and hopefully a ride to tagaytay city. traveling alone, sort of know a few people once i arrive, so any extra prayers, send on this way. leap of faith. hope to be helpful, yet i mainly want to really hear and gain from those i meet -- i know their stories will change me. okay funny too, couldn't help laugh at the impressive international faculty and then, well, me. some of my very favorite writers will be there, like two of the most influential in my life al janssen (who spoke at a writer's conference about the writer's call -- words that have never left me) and philip yancey!
writers support group: keep writing and put down your goals. mine: edit a novel (or most of it) that i finished two years ago, finish a few books i'm reading, and continue work on current project.
one of my favorite prayers from the book of common prayer:
to you,
"almighty god, i entrust all who are dear to me to your never-failing care and love, for this life and the life to come, knowing that you are doing for them better things that we can desire or pray for, through jesus christ our lord, amen."
hope to blog in from southeast asia next week.
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