"the years only make us more of ourselves." 

a friend turned forty.  my son starts high school in a few weeks at my old high school.  and my crash-and-burn watersport injury is over a week and half old and i still can't take a deep breath without pain in the ribs -- i used to bounce right back from such things. 

age.  and i'm okay with it.  i like the above quote and find for me and hopefully many others, it's true.  when you live in your hometown, people have known you, and you've known them forever, or so you think you know one another.  some friends say that i've changed, changed a lot (hopefully not in a bad way).  i don't think i've really changed, and this quote sort of defined it.  i've only become more myself.  a few of those glimpses are coming into light.  pieces are clicking together.  less and less of me feels the need to apologize for how i view things and what i feel compelled toward.  a strength perhaps.  a vision with the determined force to race toward it.  for a while now, it's felt like much of my life was bumping around in the dark, finding familiar forms, fearing what i couldn't see but trusting the hand guiding me along (what else was there to do?).  there are times god strengthens our trust in him, then we get back to running that race, and running it hard.      

a friend and i discussed various religions yesterday.  there are issues with americanized christianity that are tough at times, and truth is found in all religions.  but what christ offers is grace.  free to me, but not free to him.  grace that is also love, peace, hope, and a whole slew of other wondrous things.  and i'll take it, every day as air to breath.  i'll cheer and laugh and jump around a bit if we get talking much about grace.  it's free stuff without guilt but with eternal benefits -- and god, yes god indeed to be discovered and known (as much as we earthlings can know him).  i'm in.   

a strange mistaken twist yesterday brought me, instead of the intended person, talking for an hour via phone to someone who had a shotgun beside him and was ready to leave this world.  what words to say and how needy we are for god in such times.  and yet, all the time too.  and i'm just fine with being a needy person; i'm needy for air and food and blood flowing through my viens, and for a good swim like i had today.  

age.  i think i'm finally okay with it all.  also reading "the fountainhead" by ayn rand.  what a grand experience that's been so far.  rather transforming on a multitude of levels.  all of it is invigorating on the writing side of life.  some story is brewing, i feel it both in my stomach and chest.  can't wait to explore it, run with it.