Back in the Saddle Again

I'm back.
After several YEARS in a bit of solitude, I'm opening the windows and peering out again. So without further ado, hello again. Is anyone still out there?

now it's time to say goodbye....

when i was a kid, my cousin had a record -- yes remember those things -- with the music of The Mickey Mouse Club, a TV soundtrack, i suppose. with only 3 channels on the TV, when together, we'd do all sorts of inventive things like listen to that record and sing happily along. sort of amazing to think what entertained us back then in comparison to how things are now (don't i sound so old saying that?).

we'd laugh ourselves into hysterics over one song's line that talked about swimming and, "the last one in is a you-know-what." that "you-know-what" kept us rolling though i really don't know why, and still don't know "what."

anyway the record ended with the TV shows closing song, "now it's time to say goodbye to all our family. M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E."

well, don't ask why cause i couldn't tell you, but this little tune popped into my head as i started writing this blog. maybe cause i am saying goodbye. i'm just too delinquent of a blogger and find there are such fabulous voices out there, that one more isn't really needed so much. at least not one who can't quite find her voice except in the pages of fiction. and i have lots of fiction to explore in the coming months, so will put on the voice of different characters and speak there, i suppose.

maybe i'll get more involved in some of my favorites blogs, or maybe not. this challenging year, or so, of personal bumps and bruises continues with no immediate end in sight. it will come. hope always keeps the porch light on and most of us know that, even when we're too far from the front porch to see it. but we know it's there, waiting.

so wanted to say THANKS to all of you who read and emailed or commented. to readers and friends and family and strangers. i've wanted to get to know so many of you better, or send a personal note of appreciation. but when in certain places, you sort of revert to survival mode and though your head wishes to do many things, and thinks many thoughts, the actual accomplishing gets lost somewhere. for that, i am sorry. please, and please again, know that i've greatly appreciated all of it.

but now it is time....

GOD's peace and grace and love to each of you,

C-I-N-D-Y M-A-R-T-I-N-U-S-E-N

writing books -- what the wind picked up

anyone looking for an interesting writing book for writers, students, teachers?

a group of writers, moi included, put together a writing book with a twist

WHAT THE WIND PICKED UP: Proof that a Single Idea Can Launch a Thousand Stories

Here's Product Description from amazon.com
The members of ChiLibris, all multi-published Christian novelists, remember when they had the same fear. Something they've all discovered is that it isn't the idea that is so unique--since the same basic stories are told again and again, and we never tire of hearing them. What's unique is the expression of those ideas.

To show new writers that they can relax about their ideas--and to simply celebrate the diversity of their storytelling gifts--the members of ChiLibris undertook this book. Each writer made something different from the same basic idea. Each of the 21 short stories in this book use the same five elements:

The first line: The wind was picking up.

Mistaken identity

Pursuit at a noted landmark

Unusual form of transportation

The last line: So that's exactly what she did.

As you enjoy these vastly differing variations on a theme, relax about your own marvelous ideas and concentrate instead on writing the very best novel you can. Because what readers want isn't so much an idea that's never been done before, but the story told with your style, your wit, and your voice.

all of the royalties from WHAT THE WIND PICKED UP go to Samaritan's Purse so if you buy the book, you support a great cause, too.

buy it on amazon.com or iuniverse.

and by the way, i've missed you all. ended up sort of crawling back underground. some rough seasons are just that way. maybe i'll emerge all changed -- maybe even for the better eventually?

love to each of you...

sharing

found in THE WRITERS BOOK OF HOPE by ralph keyes (thanks to a "writer friend" for passing along)

we writers and readers do so love quotes...

"on those days or mornings when you feel worst, when you think everything is hopeless, that nothing will happen -- sometimes the best things happen." walker percy

"i have no talent. it's just the question of working, of being willing to put in the time." graham greene (one of my very favorite authors)

"i am still encouraged to go on. i wouldn't know where else to go." e.b. white

and from a friend who lives far away:
"REFUSE to lose."

yawn, stretch, oh, there's a world outside?

had considered further taking a sabbatical from public life, shutting down blog, blacking out the windows of the house, maybe pulling a howard hughes and such. but this annoying friend of mine keeps saying things like, "don't isolate yourself, don't do it!"

so irritating. have several friends like this, it's awful. won't allow me any self-pity, won't accept writing excuses ("keep writing!" "writing is writing"), and definitely won't let me disappear into the void, not even for a little while.

so, i'm sticking around and well, yep, happy to do so.

i'm writing from a hotel in castro valley, california. just taught a few workshops and critiqued manuscripts at a very fun writer's seminar here. very good time, some wonderful people i met, and there's little to compare with seeing longtime writer friends -- people who "get you" even if you only see them once a year.

ran across some great quotes at the seminar weekend and thought i wouldn't be selfish, but just when i looked around, couldn't find them. so then was going to steal inspiration from an outline in the seminar handbook (see how trying to be self-LESS led me to stealing. my good intentions always go bad). but then, the quotes weren't really all that applicable once i went to steal them. so hmmm, let's see, seems i should offer something.

guess not.

but, i will say this. keep writing, and keep living.

wait, that reminds me, i did read this today and since it's anonymous, i'm only stealing from the person who had it in email.

“Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”—Anonymous

writer infusion, some great vietnamese food, a nice glass of cab, and some stolen words of wisdom. not bad for a day of crime.

and thanks be to GOD for annoying friends who won't let us go. amen

some nice news and trying to re-emerge -- sort of

had some nice news a week or so ago.

THE SALT GARDEN was placed on the list of Best Books of 2004 by Library Journal.

and recently, i have news for those wonderful readers who've ask the magic words to any writers ears, "when is your next book coming out?" for nine months, i was without contract and a known writing future. but alas, no more!

i'm signing with WESTBOW PRESS for two novels. the release dates seem far -- jan. '05 and '06 so no book for a while. but i'm very excited and grateful to work with the great bunch at westbow.

and my gratitude to those notes dropped into my self-imposed solitary world lately. i'm trying to re-emerge, but might take some time. truly, it's been such a gift to hear from you. i'll be back to the ole unreliable, busy, stressed, slightly insane me in no time. maybe.

trying to re-emerge as a writer too -- especially this last month has been tough. so what gets us back out? some tips that i'm using on myself:

* reading well-crafted novels (just started A SECRET HISTORY by Donna Tartt for my book club reading. already very intriguing and excellent writing)

* watching a great movie either great in writing, filming, or inspiration (okay, so Neverland made me cry and cry and also want to rush to my desk and work and work)

* revisiting those ole favorite novels and films

* going back to that hemingway "one true sentence" (look in the archives for my blog entry on that)

* getting sleep and eating healthy food instead of no food (sort of helps with all of life)

* holding finished manuscripts or books (some in translations) and remembering that yes, it is possible. yes, you were called to this. no, you can't live without it.

* reading great writing blogs like faith*in*fiction or the master's artists or kelli standish's or so many others that can be found following the trails from one to the other. but don't spend too much time there that you never get motivated back to your work.

* open your old computer files of ideas and books in progress. really awakens the creativity again, or sometimes let's you know how far you've come as a writer.

* reading a quote on your desk left behind by a writer friend. will quote here again for those like me who need it over and over: "planning to write is not writing. outlining a book is not writing. researching is not writing. talking to people about what you're doing, none of that is writing. writing is writing." -- e.l. doctorow

so perhaps that's some encouragement for all of us. taking steps to get strong again as a writer is much like giving up exercise for a year and living on krispy kremes then trying to launch into a fitness program. hard to do, but also can't wait to get into writing shape.

best wishes to each of you.

disney magic

for a while now, i've felt the need to disappear a bit. haven't been the best in friendships, email, correspondences, blogging, writing anything like that. those more difficult times in our lives do different things to us. for me, it makes me tend toward a hermit lifestyle of sorts (like "sophia" in the salt garden). sometimes it's an inner reclusiveness.

but then too, i do love a little excitement. when the air gets too suffocating in life, some excitement can offer a tad of what's really needed -- hope.

so i've spent the last two days at disneyland and california adventure with my seven year old son. whoohooo for mr. walt disney!

last weekend when i didn't want to get out of bed, i remembered an idea i had a year ago. idea was to take each of my children on a trip, just me and them. the recalling and decision was just the hope to get me up and out of the despair that was dragging at me. that despair really does want to eat us up you know. and i was starting to feel a few things eaten clean off. plus a mom and kid getaway was a really great idea, i thought. a memory with each of my children and just me. something just for us.

didn't plan on such spontaneity. but with school out for a few days, it was perfect, had to be done. disneyland being the easiest trip to plan on a short time frame, my youngest got to go first. so off we went days after making the plan. it took 10 hours to drive to LA with the mudslides causing road delays. and even that didn't put a cloud over us. we've been smiling and laughing and having the kind of time only disney magic can provide. even that southern cali sunshine has warmed our days.

my son is 7 years old, and i was 7 years old last time i visited the magical kingdom. boy, it's sure changed. guess that was 27 years ago, gulp. but interesting too, how one man's vision had changed practically every life on the planet. walt disney had a vision. that vision surely exceeded anyone's imagination. but what joy and laughter and wonder the disney legacy has created.

so i'm in my hotel room. we needed a bit breather before heading back, tonight it's downtown disney. dinner at the rainforest cafe hopefully, some shopping, maybe a disney parade -- the electrical parade last night was wonderful.

tomorrow we'll go back to for a few rides before packing up the car. halfway north, we're taking a little detour to monterey and fisherman's wharf for the sunday night, then on back home. the real life challenges are waiting, they don't disappear when you run away. but maybe some laughter and joy will make it easier. maybe not. but at least my son and i have some pixie dust to carry with us -- some things can't be taken away.

god's blessings and some pixie dust to you, wherever you are today.

what we can do

120,000 dead with the numbers still rising. it's incomprehensible.

i'm working on a longer note, newsletter, photos and website update to tell more about roshini and caleb -- great people i got to know at litt-world in the philippines. they both live in sri lanka, in separate cities. here is a glimpse of notes on their welfare:

FROM ROSHINI
"I and my family are ok, but there is so much death and destruction around us in the coastal areas. My home town was not affected, but water rose outside our office, but did not come in to the building. I was there with two colleagues, rescuing important documents etc.. and we had to run....

The sheer magnitude of the disaster and human suffering are beyond words.... My office is involved in relief operations and we are working round the clock. Please pray for us and the many thousands of victims."

FROM CALEB:
"We collect things and helps and given to those people. Even today I am going to the north with some people taking things to distribute to them. In north at one church when they were having worship service on sunday with 48 people, all were washed out with the water and all died. And one of the pastor's family, there were 10 members died. Like this there are so many stories. Please pray."


FROM National Christian Evangelical Alliance of Sri Lanka (Roshini works here)
Everyday, we receive desperate requests for help and assistance; the needs are overwhelming. We are in need of US$300,000 for initial relief efforts.

Due to the severity and the urgency of the need, we appeal that you respond within 24 hours.

Contact details for pledges or queries -
Phone – 94 -11-5511381 / 2 , 94-11-5511358 / 9
Mobile phone – 94 - 777-302699 or 94 -777-255469

E-mail – easl@systec.lk or efa@stmail.lk

Fax – 94-11-271823

Mailing address – NCEASL, No. 24, Ebenezer Place, Dehiwela, Sri Lanka.

Cindy here again.
it takes a bit longer to mail money, but take the time please! consider doing a quick online donation to a larger organization and also to the one above.

other places to donate. it's something we can do, doesn't feel enough i know, but something.

www.worldvision.org
www.worldrelief.org
www.unicef.com
www.savethechildren.com
www.doctorswithoutborders.com
http://www.donate.ifrc.org/ (red cross)
http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/12/28/tsunami.aidsites/ (CNN website with lots of places to donate to)

hello, hello

gee, it's been over a month. thank you to those who checked in, or who emailed asking where i'd gone. that meant a lot.

there seems times you turn a corner in life. whether willingly or not. i've been feeling at the end of some things both inner and outwardly for a while. and suddenly, the end is ending and i'm turning toward new things.

i'm being vague in some ways. but maybe you understand. maybe you experience it too. i think we all do if we stop and recognize the patterns. like seasons and the passages of time.

in writing -- i've been exploring different things and making progress on those works in progress, but also time and holidays demand so much more. as with many writers, what always gets cheated is the writing time. please, you writers out there, catch me up. and if you aren't a writer, catch me up too.

many reasons for this last month's disappearance. usually when i ride a roller coaster, i like to put my hands up and scream with joy. but some roller coasters just don't let you do it -- you have to hold on cause there's no trusting that you'll make it to the end. life's been a bit like for a while -- sometimes the hands are up and other times they're clinging for survival.

another part, well, i didn't want to write and be a downer to anyone with holiday spirit. so stop reading if you're really happy about christmas. but for those of you who aren't, though i've tried for a month, i'm not in the christmas spirit. i'm going shopping tomorrow, don't want to, even resent it, sorry to say. i asked myself, what kind of person doesn't like christmas? that person seems to be me this year. once i was that person who baked and decorated with great joy -- i seem to recall her in my past. christmas was once the favorite holiday, now thanksgiving and my birthday win that race (yes, my birthday actually IS a holiday -- lincoln's birthday so there!).

now, i've had great christmas "moments" during different parties, time with the kids, school productions and such. but nothing of the true "spirit." will attend midnight mass for the second year, a new something for me even though i'm not catholic. something about it was beautiful to me. all those people gathered together, the singing and oneness of spirit -- usually i'm alone in the house stuffing stockings to help out santa clause. he does need some help you know. we might read the story of christ's birth on christmas and do christian-y things during the month (okay, not so much this year). but mass was so different and inviting to me. the idea that all over the world, it's happening, at midnight in the different time zones, thousands and thousands of people gather together in expectation. maybe that's what i'm missing in my christmas spirit, the expectation, the wonder, the worship. i'm just irriated at the lines, the several gifts i forgot to buy, the cost of it all, the weariness it brings, the pressure, the lost writing time (i will again admit), and the truth that so much of it IS the gifts -- maybe too hearing about christmas around the world from my litt-world friends where it's MUCH less commercial.

anyway, i wanted to say hello, hello. and though i'm turning some corners or mixing metaphors with roller coasters, i do so wish each of you god's grace and peace this week. especially on christmas.

my love to each of you.

in between

it's been nearly a week home and my body still believes itself in the philippines. i'm wide awake in the night and sluggish most of the day. it's not the only way i'm struggling, just the most physical. it's like i arrived home with a plane load of souvenirs and yet, where do they fit here? how much was for the week there and for us alone, and then how much should come back and extend outward? such questions to consider and already many wider visions to step toward.

but on the threshold of the end of something and possibilities of other things, there's always that pause. a little melancholy, a touch bittersweet, some wandering around the house while everyone sleeps, looking, seeking, thanking, smiling, a tear or two or three, and taking a deep full breath of life, pure grace-filled life. a pause is all. but you need it at times.

can't say enough how i loved the surprising peace and joy there (was thinking it was the prayers alone but nieldon said it's also being in the philippines -- guess where he lives?), loved the people who attended litt-world (their faces are before me now), and the places i saw. there are places in europe that have become such a part of me, maybe a new curve in a fingerprint and now the philippines are too. i never expected it, not to such an extent.

it's fully autumn here, a great welcome home gift. my favorite season and i truly don't think i've seen a more beautiful cottonwood autumn. home. it's good to miss and be missed. yet, there are pieces left across a great wide ocean. i wonder, if you leave pieces of yourself all over, do you become less of yourself or are they instead replaced with something new and thus more of who you might be. regardless, i have exceeding gratitude for this journey. and i think someone might save those lost pieces for me even as they're replaced.

more to say, much more, but i'm a little dreamy about it all still. here and there, or standing in between, a satchel full of images, the never-ceasing wonder of love, all of it...truly tiny glimpses of eternity.